the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
