Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
