Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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