Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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