too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
