the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
