I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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