I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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