he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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