Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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