i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
