I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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