It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize