Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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