who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
