tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
