the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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