When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
