FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
