life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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