Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is wine microwaveable?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
