the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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