I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
