Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
