Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
