hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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