Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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