I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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