A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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