dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
