I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
