I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
