respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
