Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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