Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
