i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
