all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
