pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
