I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
