I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
