I will die if light touches me.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
