Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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