I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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