i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
