nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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