If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
