It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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