Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
