My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
