I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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