RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize