our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need water and some morals
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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