I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
