remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
