Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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