piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
