So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
