So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize