Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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