And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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