im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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