So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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