This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
