I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
