She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
