we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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