proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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