If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
