In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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