Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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