drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
