I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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