So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
