When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
