I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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