last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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