if i can run in heels then i can drive
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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