Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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