i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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